KEEPER: The secret ingredient for keeping students connected to christ

Contemporary culture is suspicious of habits, preferring novel experiences and amusement, but the Christan life is a habit of connecting with Christ and His people in order to become the persons God wants us to be, doing the work He wants us to do. 

 

The secret ingredient for keeping students connected to christ:

The million dollar question seems to be something like, “How do we keep students committed to jesus into adulthood?” This is one of the main questions I have been wrestling with during my tenure as a youth pastor.  And depending on the season, I end up somewhere swinging between it all being on Jesus or all being on me.  It is true that Jesus is the author and perfector of our faith and as shepherds we are called by god to build up or students in their faith.  At the end of the day, it is both.  I plant, you water, I plant, you water, and God causes there to be growth and life.  This is a mysterious partnership.

In this mysterious partnership there are always better techniques and practices to improve our planting and watering.  And if we take a step back, I think we will see that the solution to fertile and usable soil has been there all along.  We try all these ways to make the gospel more appealing, to make the good news seem better. In the process we distance ourselves from the church.  The church is old, bureaucratic, institutionalized, boring, irrelevant.  While that might win us points in the short term, by making us seem hip, flexible, and relevant.  This attitude decimates the chances of our students becoming adult followers of christ.

If our time and energy is spent winning students to us or to our student ministry at the expense of the church we really are cutting off the nose to spite the face.  The church, warts and all, is where adult followers of Christ gather for worship, discipleship, fellowship, and ministry.  Student ministry is temporary, college ministry is temporary, big church has to be the place we help students land if we want them to continue to know and love Jesus into adult hood.
One of the greatest quotes I have ever heard was from a random volunteer on a Mexico mission trip.  he said, “Student ministry is a short term mission in a long term life.” If you think about it, this is a revolutionary concept.  Just like short-term missions, we are only around for a short period of time.  And to be effective and a true blessings, we partner with those people who have been there and will continue to be there in the long term.  We don’t show up as the end all to ministry, because we know we are there for only a short amount of time.  Instead we work our butts off in that short amount of time and are a blessing to the community we are partnering with.  Then we graciously hand them off to their long-term community.

Student ministry as short-term missions: Student ministry must be seen as short-term mission, and the landing place for long-term mission is the church.  For students to not get caught in the middle, we must do a better job of loving the church; highlighting how the church has been caring for the students, helping students fit into adult worship, encouraging students to serve, and finding meaningful ways to transition students into the adult life of the church.  This allows there to be meaningful, long-term faith and commitment to Jesus Christ.  The following are some principles we have implemented at our church to help our students stay connected to the church.

First, it is not ok for student ministry leaders, myself included, to be among the biggest critics of the church.  Our jobs and budgets are there because the church loves students.  They shell out tons of money to provide a person and place for students to figure out who Jesus is in an environment that works for their development.  And if we take their money and recourses and then discredit the very people who provide for us and our students, everyone loses.  We must communicate with our students that the old, out of touch, adult church, loves them so much.  That is why we have a youth worker, a youth room, a budget.  that is how our mission trips get paid for.  Tis happens because students are valued by the church.  (But sometimes the adult leaders don’t know the best way to show it)

Second, everything we do points to getting our students connected to “big church.”  Big church is the formal term for the adult worship gathering. with all the great things that happen at youth group and sunday student worship, we do a huge disservice if we don’t help our students engage in adult worship.  There is a discipline to singing worship for 30 minutes, or for standing and sitting liturgy, for long sermons that don’t speak directly to students’ lives.  This is where the adult church gathers and is ministered to and worships together, and it is a learned habit.  If this habit is instilled in junior high, it will be much easier for them to continue to worship with adults when they are one, as opposed to only worshiping with their peers in services designed only for them.

Another way we are helping our students connect is by making service to the church part of our ministry diet. Our students regularly serve in children’s ministry.  Their service is not just because we need warm bodies there, it is because we are continually reminding them of how we develop spiritually, that is we are always pouring our lives into someone younger and always finding people older than us to pour their lives into us.  Children’s ministry is a great place to remind our students that the church loves them and cares for them.  It did when they were little, it does now, and it will as they get older.

The last thing we do to connect our students to our adult worshiping community, is by having a transition service for the senior class in our student ministry.  We spend an entire service in the spring for our seniors to share their testimonies.  In these testimonies we work with them to reflect on how they have been loved for and cared for by our church.  Then we commission them by having the church lay hands on them and pray for them and welcome them into the adult community.  It is an amazing service, and i am always reminded at god’s goodness and faithfulness.  Our church is reminded as well of God’s goodness and faithfulness through their love and support of student ministry.
Like you, I still have students who don’t do any of the things I encourage them to do, show up here and there, and end up being amazing followers of Christ, and I still have students who are totally committed to everything we do as a student ministry and choose to walk away from Christ.  But one of the transitions we have seen is that when students return from college, their gathering place is in big church, not outside the youth room.  Big church can not only be for adults, we must help our students develop that habit.  I said at the beginning, the spiritual development of students is a mysterious balance between us planning and watering, and God causing growth.  I do think we make god’s job harder if we cut the legs out from the church instead of helping students find their rightful place in the larger body of Christ.

We give our students an amazing gift when we give them the tools and the habits to develop their faith into adulthood within the adult worshiping community. It is then they have the best chance for loving jesus for the long haul.

Losing and Finding Yourself

"T he purpose in life is not to find yourself. It’s to lose yourself." --David Brooks, in a recent New York Times op-ed piece. But Someone already told us that, long ago:

• Matthew 10:39, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
• Matthew 16:25, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.
• Mark 8:35, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it."
• Luke 9:24, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
• John 12:25, "The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

Jesus' challenge must have made quite an impression on his disciples. All four evangelists noted it. I wonder what people would think of Him today, if he were to give this as a commencement address:

 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for you to gain the whole world, yet forfeit your soul? Or what can you give in exchange for your soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward everyone according to what they have done. Matthew 16:25-27

While  I do not agree with everything Brooks says (no, I don't want to be 22 again, and not all college graduates are narcissistic)  he does nail "the litany of expressive individualism" that is our culture's constant chant.  However, he fails to understand the most important thing, the purpose of life.  Life may indeed "come to a point only in those moments when the self dissolves into some task," but it comes to fulfillment only when the self is in relationship to a Person. Actually, Three Persons.

It’s Not About You

By DAVID BROOKS
Published: May 30, 2011

Over the past few weeks, America’s colleges have sent another class of graduates off into the world. These graduates possess something of inestimable value. Nearly every sensible middle-aged person would give away all their money to be able to go back to age 22 and begin adulthood anew.

But, especially this year, one is conscious of the many ways in which this year’s graduating class has been ill served by their elders. They enter a bad job market, the hangover from decades of excessive borrowing. They inherit a ruinous federal debt.

More important, their lives have been perversely structured. This year’s graduates are members of the most supervised generation in American history. Through their childhoods and teenage years, they have been monitored, tutored, coached and honed to an unprecedented degree.

Yet upon graduation they will enter a world that is unprecedentedly wide open and unstructured. Most of them will not quickly get married, buy a home and have kids, as previous generations did. Instead, they will confront amazingly diverse job markets, social landscapes and lifestyle niches. Most will spend a decade wandering from job to job and clique to clique, searching for a role.

No one would design a system of extreme supervision to prepare people for a decade of extreme openness. But this is exactly what has emerged in modern America. College students are raised in an environment that demands one set of navigational skills, and they are then cast out into a different environment requiring a different set of skills, which they have to figure out on their own.

Worst of all, they are sent off into this world with the whole baby-boomer theology ringing in their ears. If you sample some of the commencement addresses being broadcast on C-Span these days, you see that many graduates are told to: Follow your passion, chart your own course, march to the beat of your own drummer, follow your dreams and find yourself. This is the litany of expressive individualism, which is still the dominant note in American culture.

But, of course, this mantra misleads on nearly every front.

College grads are often sent out into the world amid rapturous talk of limitless possibilities. But this talk is of no help to the central business of adulthood, finding serious things to tie yourself down to. The successful young adult is beginning to make sacred commitments — to a spouse, a community and calling — yet mostly hears about freedom and autonomy.

Today’s graduates are also told to find their passion and then pursue their dreams. The implication is that they should find themselves first and then go off and live their quest. But, of course, very few people at age 22 or 24 can take an inward journey and come out having discovered a developed self.

Most successful young people don’t look inside and then plan a life. They look outside and find a problem, which summons their life. A relative suffers from Alzheimer’s and a young woman feels called to help cure that disease. A young man works under a miserable boss and must develop management skills so his department can function. Another young woman finds herself confronted by an opportunity she never thought of in a job category she never imagined. This wasn’t in her plans, but this is where she can make her contribution.

Most people don’t form a self and then lead a life. They are called by a problem, and the self is constructed gradually by their calling.

The graduates are also told to pursue happiness and joy. But, of course, when you read a biography of someone you admire, it’s rarely the things that made them happy that compel your admiration. It’s the things they did to court unhappiness — the things they did that were arduous and miserable, which sometimes cost them friends and aroused hatred. It’s excellence, not happiness, that we admire most.

Finally, graduates are told to be independent-minded and to express their inner spirit. But, of course, doing your job well often means suppressing yourself. As Atul Gawande mentioned during his countercultural address last week at Harvard Medical School, being a good doctor often means being part of a team, following the rules of an institution, going down a regimented checklist.

Today’s grads enter a cultural climate that preaches the self as the center of a life. But, of course, as they age, they’ll discover that the tasks of a life are at the center. Fulfillment is a byproduct of how people engage their tasks, and can’t be pursued directly. Most of us are egotistical and most are self-concerned most of the time, but it’s nonetheless true that life comes to a point only in those moments when the self dissolves into some task. The purpose in life is not to find yourself. It’s to lose yourself.

Is Youth Ministry Killing the Church?

via Brad.

Guaranteed to be controversial, IMO this article from the Theolog blog points to a real problem. If we are theological nominalists, then we will be more prone to ecclesiastical "grouping" rather than ecclesistical "participation." As a result we will be more vulnerable to the temptation to "have our needs satisfied" and "be fed," because we will have identified ourselves--consciously or unconsciously--as consumers, rather than servants. This has consequences not only for youth ministry, but for women's ministry, children's ministry, etc.

The great challenge is to be able to minister without fragmentating into focus groups.
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February 4, 2010

Is youth ministry killing the church?

by Kate Murphy

After having worked for several years as a youth pastor, I recently accepted a call to be an interim solo pastor. One weekend, Sara, a beloved saint of the church, died after a long battle with Alzheimer's. On Sunday morning I was standing in the choir room discussing plans for the funeral when Jonathan—a high school sophomore—walked in. “Deanne,” he said to the music director, “I heard about Sara, and I thought you might need me to take Libba's spot in the bell choir this morning.” She gratefully accepted his offer and excused herself from our conversation to review the music with him.

It was a pretty mundane exchange, but I was blown away. It's remarkable enough to see a 16-year-old boy drive himself to church early to join a bell choir comprised of adults in their 50s and 60s. But even more intriguing was Jonathan's perceptiveness. Not only did he know that Libba was Sara’s daughter, but life in the church had taught him to anticipate congregational needs. He knew that Libba played with the bell choir, and he realized she probably couldn't play that morning. Unprompted—I checked with his parents—he offered to fill in.

This couldn't have happened at any of my previous churches—though it's not Jonathan's faith that's of a rare caliber. It's his connection to the congregation.

I've always met young Christians through youth programs. I've been hired by churches so committed to the discipleship of their young people that they've dedicated resources to creating specialized curriculae and activities. These churches expect regular events that are created exclusively to minister to young people.

But I wonder now if we're ministering them right out of the church. Unlike Jonathan, the kids I've previously pastored never sat around a table with adults at church-wide fellowship events—they had their own program options. They've never worked side by side with other members to put on a neighborhood vacation Bible school—they were off on their own mission trips.

When the youth were asked to contribute to the larger church, it was usually through manual labor, the only thing we thought they were capable of doing. Yes, we may have let them plan and lead one worship service a year, but we never dreamed of asking any of them to sit on the worship committee or serve as a regular worship leader. The message was that the church existed to serve them, not the other way around.

Kenda Creasy Dean and others warn that when our children and youth ministries ghettoize young people, we run the risk of losing them after high school graduation. I saw evidence of this in Jonathan. Over the years I've worked with young people as passionate and serious about their faith as Jonathan is. I think I've done youth ministry with integrity.

But I may have been unintentionally disconnecting kids from the larger body of Christ. The young people at my current congregation—a church that many families would never join because “it doesn't have anything for youth”—are far more likely to remain connected to the faith and become active church members as adults, because that's what they already are and always have been.

Kate Murphy is the interim pastor of Hickory Grove Presbyterian Church in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Dan Whitmarsh: Anything to make a sale

Dan Whitmarsh has some wise words about the dark side of youth ministry, such as that practiced by Young Life.

Anything to Make a Sale

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . .

Evangelistic-minded youth ministries hit upon a genius idea. Create events that are cool, hip, attractive, amazing, get kids in the door, and then hit them with the gospel. Young Life is the master of this strategy, but it has impacted the entire world of youth ministry. In small ways, it looks like 'throw a pizza party, invite your friends, then we'll tell 'em about Jesus." In larger ways, it looks like "Hire a band, have some fireworks, break some bricks with your head, then tell 'em about Jesus." Either way, entertain 'em, entice 'em with coolness, then tell 'em about Jesus.

One problem: no matter what the Church does, the World does a better job of offering Cool options. While the Church was offering pizza and goofy games, the World invented Wiis and Hip-Hop. So the Church is always playing catch-up, trying to find ever hipper and cooler ways of enticing 'worldly youth' into our doors, so we can tell 'em about Jesus. Or, maybe just to keep our kids in the doors, trying to make it just cool enough that they won't run out there where the World offers all that other stuff.

So, to recap, the strategy is: do something fun/cool/outrageous to get people in the door, then tell 'em about Jesus.

Let's be clear about one thing: the motivation is great. Telling people about Jesus is our highest calling. Creating opportunities to tell people about Jesus is a wonderful task.

But there was a dark side that very few people really wanted to talk about: this 'wow 'em and tell 'em about Jesus' strategy doesn't do much in the way of creating disciples. Instead, it creates instant flash with no long-term impact. The fact that even 70-80% of Christian kids leave the church after high school ought to tell us we're doing something wrong. That we're not growing Followers, that we're not raising Disciples. Instead, we're creating Consumers who will always chase after the next big fix, wherever that comes from. We're not raising young people who understand such basic tenets of Christianity as sacrifice, service, humility, forgiveness, love, grace and mercy. We are, in fact, temporarily distracting young people with smoke and mirrors, sneaking the gospel in there, assuming that, since they 'said the prayer' following the pizza and root-beer gorge, they're 'in.'

And here's today's problem: those raised in this world are leaving their youth ministry days behind and moving into senior leadership in churches across America. . .and they're using the exact same strategies in the larger church.

Like the Church over in the Seattle area that decided to perform live tattooing during their worship service.

Again, the motivation is probably good: create some buzz (no pun intended. . .maybe), get some people in the door, tell 'em about Jesus. Young people are into tattoos. So, bring tattoos into the Church, get people interested, tell 'em about Jesus.

But is this anything more than the same strategy that has failed so miserably in our youth ministries over the last 60 years?

One might also spend a few minutes talking about the nature of worship itself - a holy people gathered to lift up the name of God in adoration and praise, to listen to (and apply) his Word in their lives.

It has always struck me as odd that we have to do all this in the first place. After all, the Church has the most amazing package ever to be offered - eternal life, hope, love, peace, joy, a relationship with the God who created the Universe, redemption, acceptance, friendship. . .For some reason, so many have decided that's not enough, so instead they re-package all that into pizza parties, goofy games, church coffee shops, the never-ending pursuit of 'relevance,' tattoo services.

My hope, as I've stated before, is that people will be drawn to Lakebay Community Church not because we're cool or hip or relevant or edgy, but because they've heard it's a place of hope, a place of joy, a place of acceptance, a place where Christ's light shines into the darkness of our lives. It makes you wonder what would happen if the Church across America would decide to give up this striving for relevance, and get back to the real work of the Church, which, as I pointed out in my sermon yesterday, comes down to two things:
1) being a community of grace and mercy and love
2) going out into all the world making disciples.

Something tells me we just might actually be healthier. We'd certainly be stronger. Promotional gimmicks might fill the pews, but they don't teach people to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with their God. Only the hard work of disciple-making does that.

Chris Folmsbee: If I were to do it again

Chris Folmsbee has an interesting post which I reproduce below.

If this were to be written from a lead pastor's point of view, it wouldn't surprise me to see a great deal of overlap. Thanks to Brad Boydston and Scot McKnight for alerting me to this post.

Friday May 29, 2009

If I Were To Do It Again

I was a youth pastor for 13 years. Today, I am active in youth ministry as a volunteer at The Church of the Resurrection near my home in Kansas City but most of my contribution to youth ministry these days is through training, writing, speaking and consulting.

Recently, I was sharing some thoughts regarding the future of youth ministry with a group of local lead and executive pastors. I was asked, "If you were to go back and do youth ministry again, as you once did, how would what you know now change how you would lead a youth ministry?" I had a few items off the top of my head (some are listed below) but I pointed them all to this post for a more robust list of things I might do differently. So, if I were to go back and lead a youth ministry again I would...

You fill in this sentence ... and let's see if we can help youth pastors... what have you learned?

• Act theologically before methodologically
• Be more of a spiritual director than a program director
• Hire a parent to be a part of our youth staff
• Spend more time investing in interns/co-pastors
• Experiment with more learner-centered education models
• Ask less of my volunteers and yet equip them more
• Communicate change to the church leaders, staff and parents more
• Create more opportunities for students to "learn up" instead of me "teaching down"
• Celebrate the successes in the lives of students with greater regularity and intensity
• Worry less about the retreat themes and spend more time with the students on the retreats.
• Take students on way more spiritual retreats
• Work hard to be more collaborative with the youth workers in my city
• Take more time off to be with my wife and kids
• Be more intentional with a confirmation process
• Find time to laugh and play more
• Be more grace-filled with students who were goofing off and causing trouble
• Try to learn more from the staff instead of thinking I have all the answers
• Take the criticism of others more seriously and less defensively
• Meet with my spiritual director more often
• Take personal retreats more often
• Be way more missional and a lot less attractional in my approach or model
• Try and get more pulpit time to advocate for the students in the church and community
• Pray more and develop a team of people to pray with
• Provide inspiring training for the parent of the students
• Call the students to greater levels of holiness
• Spend a lot more time creating opportunities for students to practice justice
• Allow the more artistic students opportunities to express themselves and their love for God.
• Teach much more conversationally
• Try to enter into the joy, pain, loss, doubt, hurt, etc. of the students and their families

If I spend some more time thinking I am sure I could come up with a list of a whole lot more things I would do differently. If you are a youth pastor/worker, what are some things you have learned to do differently from when you began until now? If you are a former youth pastor/worker, what are some things that you would do differently?

Cookies, Christ, and the Koran

Tonight at our High school youth group the conversation turned to the question of whether Jesus is the only way, or if other religions are also ways to God. I had made chocolate chip cookies, and three were left in the plastic container. They became the perfect teaching aids. What follows is a transcript of the evening (more or less.)

ME: Okay, well, as I see it, everybody has a front door and a back door into their souls. The front door is reserved for God to speak directly to you, through the testimony of His holy word or through direct encounter. (We read 2 Tim. 3:16, 1 Peter 1:16-21.) The back door is the way He comes into you, indirectly, through the creation. (We read Romans 1:20).

Let's let the container represent you, and let the lid be your "front door." (Having already removed the two cookies, I take the lid off the top of the container.) Let's talk about front doors tonight, and save back doors for later. Now, one way of approaching the question is to consider the other religions' scriptures. Let's let the cookies represent God speaking to us.

1. Now, we could say that everything is Cookie. This is what Hinduism does. They believe that everything is god. Hindus don't think there is any distinction between the container and/or the cookies, or between them and us. I am cookie, you are cookie, we are all Cookie.

(I imagine one kid proceding to bite another kid.) But see? That doesn't seem to fit our experience very well. It would be rather difficult to live out that belief. We'd have to constantly tell ourselves to ignore or deny what was happening to us. So let's shelve it.

2. Another thing we could say is that there are no cookies. That would be like believing there isn't any God speaking to us. That's what naturalists say, people like Dawkins and Hitchens and others who claim that reality reduces to matter in motion.

However there are cookies, aren't there. "Ahh," says the naturalist, "Maybe they are an illusion. A projection of your own consciousness, a wish fulfillment, an opiate to help ease the pain of life: whatever, they are something you dreamed up."

Poppycock! I'm here to tell you I was there when those cookies came out of the oven. I saw them and smelled them and I tasted some crumbs. Do you trust my testimony? Am I a reliable witness? (More nodding heads. This would have been a great point for somebody to have read 1 John 1: 1-4.) It's very important who you trust, who you take to be your authorities. But that's a class in itself. What's the bottom line? There are cookies here!

3. So, do we all agree that there are indeed some cookies before us? (Heads nod.) Well, now all we have to do is decide how many cookies we should put in the container. Let's let one cookie represent the Old Testament, and one the New Testament. People who say there is only one cookie are Jews. They don't believe the other cookies belong in the container. They believe only the OT is the word of God. (I put one cookie in the container.)

Now, we are Christians. We believe that the NT is God's word, too. (I put the second cookie in the container.) But we don't think the third cookie belongs. Let the third cookie represent the Koran.
KID A: How do we know that the third cookie doesn't belong? Or for that matter, that the second cookie does belong? Maybe there should only be one cookie!

ME: Good for you! That's the crux of the problem, isn't it. What should we do?

KID B: Well, the OT has prophecies that the NT fulfills. If you can demonstrate that, you can accept the NT.

ME: Excellent! That's exactly the strategy that Peter uses in his Pentecost sermon. (We read Acts 2:14-36).

(Kid C reads Acts 2:17-21.) See, this is straight from the OT, Peter directly quotes the prophet Joel. Now look what Peter says. (Kid D reads Acts 2:22-24). Peter specifically reminds his listeners of all the miracles, wonders and signs Jesus did, and of his ultimate sign: resurrection.

To further nail his point, he quotes Psalm 16:8-11, a psalm of King David himself. (Kid A reads Acts 2:25-28.) Then he shows how even though the Jews thought it referred to David, it actually is fullfilled in Jesus: (Kid B reads Acts 2:29-36.)

Okay, so there are two cookies in the container. But how do we know there shouldn't be a third?

ME: A crucial question, which we must face if we are to have mature faith. The usual contender for third cookie is the Koran. What criteria do you think we should we use for admitting it into the container?

KID C: The same one as what got the second cookie in.

ME: Okay, and this is where we have some problems. If the OT promises a coming Messiah, and if the NT claims that Jesus is the Messiah, and that He has arrived claiming to be the Son of God and has proved it by dying and rising again, the Koran contradicts that message. Muslims honor Jesus (Isa) as a prophet, but not as God incarnate. Furthermore, they do not believe that "he was crucified, dead, and buried, and that on the third day he was raised from the dead." Rather than fulfilling and completing the NT (as if there was anything more to be fulfilled!) the Muslim narrative requires denying its main character and plotline. It looks like it the third cookie fails the admission test. It may look a lot like a chocolate chip cookie, but in reality it isn't. It shouldn't go in the container.

KID D: Then what if I were a Muslim, who never heard of Jesus? I'd have three cookies in my container from the day I was born. Would that mean I would go to hell?

ME: Another important question, and time is running out. Quickly, I'll just say that if it is true that only two cookies actually belong in our containers, then someone who has three cookies or just one cookie is closer to the truth than someone who has none, or someone who has a dozen, or someone who thinks everything is a cookie.

Look at Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham and the other OT saints of Hebrews 11. They only had one cookie in each of their containers--Christ hadn't even been born!--yet they are listed in "the rollcall of the faithful." They aren't in hell. I side with C. S. Lewis on this. Remember Emeth in The Last Battle? Aslan accepts all Emeth's Tash-worship and considers it as directed to Him. But when Emeth thinks Aslan is Tash and Tash is Aslan, Aslan lets out a huge, angry roar. God is merciful, but He is also "jealous."

A Snow Sabbath

Six+ inches of snow has fallen over the past twenty four hours here in Eugene-Springfield. We have been given another Sabbath!

Our daughter Joanna and our friend A. were both dreading the going back to school this week. Joanna had four finals today, and A. had two weeks of chemistry homework to do in two days. She and Joanna had been praying for snow, and, miracle of miracles, we got it, in excelsis!

So I sent this to A. in celebration:

(To be sung to the Doxology)

Praise God from whom all snowflakes dance

You have been giv'n a second chance:

Rise from your chem, no longer weep,

Tonight you"ll make up for lost sleep.

Marriage as the Jesus School of Faithfulness

This Sunday I am to teach the Middle School/High school class on Matt. 5:31-32, "Divorce." Reed is asking us to follow a pattern presented by Glenn H. Stassen in his article, "The Fourteen Triads of the Sermon on the Mount." The assignment is made somewhat easier by the fact that I taught last week on the preceding section of the Sermon on the Mount, "Adultery," in verses 27-30. Even so, it will be a challenge.

Toward a Positive Understanding of Marriage

Both topics presume that listeners already have some positive teachings about Christian marriage, before they address the ways sin can corrupt it. Last week we touched on the concept of "one flesh" in Genesis 2, Ephesians 5, and 1 Cor. 6:9-20. In addition, Gilbert Meilaender gives this helpful precis in his First Things article, "Marriage in Counterpoint and Harmony:"

In any case, for Christian spouses who understand marriage as a sphere in which we begin to be trained in the meaning and discipline of fidelity, marriage will be understood as a task. Committing themselves to lifelong union, they must learn in the countless ways appropriate to different marriages the meaning of our fellow-humanity, the hard work of being faithful in the whole of life to one who is not just an-other person but who-within this marriage-remains "other." C. S. Lewis came to marriage late in life, long after writing the passage I have cited above. But he was able to say, after the death of his wife, what commitment to that bond made possible. He wrote in A Grief Observed (1966):

We did learn and achieve something. There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles them. It is arrogance in [men] to call frankness, fairness, and chivalry "masculine" when we see them in a woman; it is arrogance in [women] to describe a man's sensitiveness or tact or tenderness as "feminine." But also what poor, warped fragments of humanity most mere men and mere women must be to make the implications of that arrogance plausible. Marriage heals this. Jointly the two become fully human. "In the image of God created he them." Thus, by a paradox, this carnival of sexuality leads us out beyond our sexes.

To begin this work of correction and transformation is a task at the very heart of the marriage bond.

If Meilaender is correct, that [Christian] marriage is the task of correction and transformation so that, together, both husband and wife image Christ to the world, then the question must be asked of each spouse: how has marriage corrected and transformed you, so that you incarnate the faith, hope and love of Jesus Christ? But this is all pretty abstract. I need to find a way to make it more accessible to the teens I will be speaking with, so it seems natural to portray Christian marriage as a spiritual "school." Here is part of what I am thinking of saying.

Relating this to Teens

In taking vows of Christian marriage, we have applied and been accepted into the Jesus School of Marriage, to be trained to reflect Him through a one-flesh relationship with someone different from ourselves.

There are some strange things about His school:

1) There are countless ways to fail and ultimately to drop out:

• by not paying proper attention and respect to the Teacher or to one's classmates
• by failing to do one's "home" work
• by displacing the Teacher or His designated subs and attempting to take the Teacher's place oneself
• by getting into brawls
• by cutting class
• by cheating

2) If one partner drops out, the other must drop out as well.

3) There is only one way to "graduate:" together.

Marriage is not His only school, but once we've enrolled, there are just two ways out: to drop out or to graduate. The closer one gets to graduation, the more one experiences unity without uniformity--exactly what each person of the Trinity experiences. This requires a lot of changes for us as fallen men and women. But upon graduation, we are taken up into the very life of God, finally fit to fully give and receive the love that each of the Persons of the Trinity has enjoyed from eternity, for all eternity.

Transformation and Fear

Now transformation is a scary thing. It means losing some familiar part of ourselves in order to receive something new and different. It means "losing control" and trusting Christ to change us. It means focusing on Him, and not on self. Now in our fallen state, the more control we have over situations, the less we tend to be fearful. But the flip side to that is the less practice we get having to deal with fear. When we find ourselves in positions where we no longer have control, and inevitably, fear hits us, there are different ways we can cope.

Here are two popular but disastrous ways:

1) we can think we are responsible for everything and so try to control everything. Here, faithfulness is distorted to mean micro-managing. This just sets us up for failure and even more fear. (Aristotle would call this the vice of excess.)

2) we can opt out, drop out, refuse to be responsible. Here faithfulness is distorted to mean "to thine own self be true." We rationalize our failure by changing the rules or changing "school districts." We anesthetize ourselves from failure by focusing on distractions and ignoring what we are really responsible for. (Aristotle would call this the vice of deficiency).

Both of these ways tempt us toward behaviors that lead to failure and "dropping out" (divorce).

But here is one healthy way to cope with fear:

3) We cannot be faithful about things we are not responsible for, nor for that which is beyond our control. So first, we can pray for and receive wise discernment (from God, friends, counselors) to understand what we are actually responsible for, and what we really are able to control. Our attitudes and actions must grow from this. Then, we can practice trusting God with those things which are beyond us.

Students Who Refuse to be Trained

Sometimes a student is so disruptive that she must be put in time out, in hopes that she will calm down, reflect on her behavior, and be open for it to be changed. In troubled marriages, this practice is known as "separation." More threatening behaviors can result in expulsion.

You can admit a student to med school, but that alone won't make him a doctor. In the school of marriage, Jesus will not force a student to be trained to imitate Him if s/he refuses to be taught. He will not chain a student to his desk, nor does he expect a spouse live with a spouse who is unfaithful. In those circumstances, divorce is permitted. (Matt. 5:32; 19:9).

When Marriages Fail

Marriage is at bottom, a school--maybe it would be better to say a boot camp-- for learning faithfulness/ faith in Christ. We need to do our best in the school we have been enrolled in. But remember that is not the only school. It is tragic when we drop out, or when we are forced to drop out. I know a tiny bit of the pain and fear that accompanies failure on this level. I had to quit the doctoral program at Notre Dame when I failed my metaphysics comp two times in a row. But the good news is that Christ had other ways of teaching me how to be faithful to His truth; in the end, perhaps even better ways? Only He knows.

It is important that we stay enrolled in His District, and not seek training in outside schools. Of course his first choice is to keep us in our present school and make us repeat a grade. But if necessary, he is able to transfer us to a school where we can better learn to be faithful to Him.

"Perfect love casts out all fear." What matters most is that that He is faithful, even when we fail to be faithful. He loves us, perfectly, even when we can't love perfectly. He forgives us when we truly repent and open ourselves to His transformation. Again. And again. And again, until we finally find ourselves taken up into the life of God, who is Love.

2 Timothy 2:11-13

11 Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;

12 if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;

13 if we are faithless,
he remains faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.

(c) Beth Bilynskyj

Halo Controversy: Do the Ends Justify the Means?

Here's a thought-provoking conversation from Abet. I wonder: Are there occasions when the Great Commission cannot be taken as the ultimate driving mandate for Christian theology and ecclesiology? This seems to be one of them. At the very least, just as in ethics, a consequentialist theology/ecclesiology has serious problems. Check out Dan Whitmarsh's blog for more discussion.

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."

Person A wrote:

The latest event in the world of video games is the appearance of Halo 3-- a violent star wars sort of game which has a rating of M, as in for mature audiences only. Now normally that sort of rating would result in Christian parents making sure their under aged children had nothing to do with this sort of time consuming mayhem on a screen. But NOW we learn that many youth ministers are using it in churches to recruit teenage boys (especially) to come to their youth groups. In my view, it's time to ask--- What is wrong
with this picture?

Here is the link to the story in this weekend's NY Times. Read it and weep:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/07/us/07halo.html?th&emc=th

The headline in the Times reads 'Thou Shall not Kill, except in a Game at Church'. If even a Times reporter can see there might be a two fold contradiction here, then it shouldn't be hard for those of us involved in the church every week to recognize the danger here as well.

Let's start with the fact that the maker of this game has quite specifically told everyone it is for adults, and has adult content. Imagine if you will using the tactic of show skin flicks to attract young men, or offering beer blasts in the church back yard. Doubtless you would attract a crowd, but would you have just vitiated your whole credibility as conveyors of the Good News of Christ in the process? The answer is yes.

If you read the article closely what you notice is the 'ends justifies the means' kind of arguments by the youth ministers in question. But frankly if the means are unethical, and indeed contradict the ends you are trying to achieve, aren't you guilty of using unethical tactics to attract people to
Christ? Aren't you sending an enormously mixed message to youth--- "come to church, and after you've blown the brains out of the enemies, we will tell you about the Prince of Peace and how God so loved the world (even the enemies)!"

I'm sorry but this whole sorry approach to youth ministry smacks of absolute desperation and fear-- fear that if we are not relevant, we cannot attract a crowd. Is this really what Jesus would do? I don't think so.

Nor Paul for that matter-- in his 'garbage in, garbage out' speech he urges his audience in Phil. 4.8--" Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things." There is frankly nothing admirable about this whole approach to youth ministry. If you have so little creativity or imagination that you
imagine that the only way to appeal to youth is by appealing to their most base and basic fallen instincts, then get out of youth ministry-- you haven't got the tools for the task, and your means betray your message. If you want creativity and effective appeal to youth, look at some of the things Rob Bell is doing in his Nooma videos (about which we have commented before on this blog).

I must say that I am stunned that Focus on the Family has not come out and said something against this whole debacle. Even the Southern Baptist Convention hasn't managed to completely condemn it yet. Why not? Perhaps because they do not see the inherent contradiction between violence and the Gospel of peace, or vengeance and forgiveness. But log in and tell me what you think.

-------------------------
Person B replied:

Does everything a church youth group do these days have to be a
recruiting tool? Can't kids get together and play video games (at our church, they play Guitar Hero), because they are kids and they're having fun?
---------------------------
Person C wrote:

The pharisees grumbled because Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners. On the other hand, Jesus did not participate in the extortion of tax collectors or in the debaucheries of sinners.

However, Jesus did not want anything to hinder children from his presence. Even as he warned us that, rather than causing scandal on the little ones, it is better to go swimming with a millstone.

Football is programmed violence. Most games include injury; mostly trauma sustained from getting hit. Furthermore, sideline and locker-room camaraderie often includes regular expressions of blasphemy and other language that is "R" rated at least.

5-Part Question: How many pastors have ever:

1. Used football illustrations in preaching?
2. Approved of their congregation's efforts to use football games televised or otherwise as a featured fellowship or outreach event?
3. Rescheduled regular church programming because of key national football events like the Super Bowl?
4. Played full contact football themselves?
5. Are any of these pastors objecting to the Halo outreach efforts?

As a grieving Packers fan, I can tell you that I have done four out of the five listed above. My mind is not made up about Halo 3 as a hook, but I do know that I will not be quick to spot the speck if I am carrying a log.

--------------------
Person A responded:

1) I don't think I've ever used a football illustration. Maybe baseball, and certainly Star Trek, but never football. And never, ever, golf.
2) Guilty. We had a get-together for the biggest game of the year (that game we can't mention for fear of litigation) last year. And all the teenagers ignored it completely, choosing instead to sit in the back and play board games.
3) Nope. Don't think I ever would, either.
4) I played a flag football game once that got out of control. . .it was teens vs. adults, and the adults send a couple teens to the hospital. Felt very good about themselves, too.
5) Can't speak for everybody else. I wouldn't necessarily say no
outright - I think I'd just ask "isn't there a better way to go about this?

As a grieving Seahawks fan. . .I would agree you can't be legalistic about it. But I do worry that too many are going into it without pondering the consequences. Youth ministries have been using this "we need to be hip and relevant" argument for the last 50 years or more, and all the evidence seems to say that it's not working. Instead of growing disciples, we're gathering a few extra kids who won't be around 4 years from now. I know its a countercultural thing to say, but I think it's time youth ministries stopped trying to be relevant, stopped trying to appear cool, stopped trying to use Halo as an outreach tool, and instead focused on creating healthy communities of teens who truly live out the Kingdom life, letting love, grace, mercy, hope, and joy be the "hooks to reel in the fish."
----------------

Beth: what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Why shouldn't what Person A says about youth ministry apply just as much to all ministry?

Bee-attitudes and Beatitude

We launched Cornerstone (our middle school/high school Sunday school class, kids from 6th grade to 12th) this morning. What with the transition in youth ministry, we hadn't expected a very large crowd; so Jill didn't make a lot of breakfast and we had the dividers up so that everyone would fit in the one room with sofas. But by 9:45 there were 32 of us crowded in, so many that we had to open things up. God is good!

Reed (our interim youth pastor) wants us to study the Sermon on the Mount this fall. This NT study will make a nice counterpoint to the OT character survey we did all last year. To kick it off, we looked at Matthew 5:1-12, and contrasted the beatitude that Christ offers with "Bee-attitudes." We used this as a way of referring to the Seven Deadly Sins; vices that characterize us when we are turned away from Christ. They come with a deadly sting (1 Corinthians 15: 56-57, "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.")

We had seven Bees portraying each of these sinful spiritual conditions:

Pride (Rob R.)
Envy (Kelsey W.)
Anger (Reed W.)
Sloth (Susan B.)
Greed (Mary N.)
Lust (Judy E.)
Gluttony (Emma J.)

Judy went to three different Targets (in Eugene, Springfield and Albany) and got some fantastic adult Halloween bee costumes. They were made of soft yellow and black velour with a definite pooched-pear shape, and hood with antennae.
Shades of SNL! Then she cut out the name of each Deadly Sin and ironed it on in black on the back yoke of the costume, similar to an athlete's shirt. Finally, each bee got a black artificial cattail to hold as their "stinger." ("I tried to figure out how to attach the cattails to their rears," Judy confessed,"but they kept looking like the bees were eliminating sharp objects.")

Judy had a special challenge as she was the one who portrayed Lust. How to do this without being vulgar? She found a brilliant solution: use a Mae West voice, wear black fishnet stockings, carry a bottle of toilet water (her pheremones) and spray it liberally, while waving a floral lei and trying to snag people with it. Bravo, Judy!

Each Bee took a turn describing himself/herself, after which I referred to the scriptures, describing the new, better way we can be, once we turn toward, follow and allow Jesus to begin to his work of deliverance and transformation in us. We used Peter Kreeft's taxonomy, from his book, Back to Virtue

Pride can be overcome by Poverty of Spirit (Matt. 5:3)
Envy can be was overcome by mourning (Matt. 5:4)
Anger can be overcome by meekness/peacemaking (Matt. 5:5; 5:9)
Sloth can be overcome by hunger and thirst for righteousness (Matt. 5:6)
Greed can be overcome by mercy (Matt. 5:7)
Lust can be overcome by purity of heart (Matt. 5:8)
Gluttony can be overcome by bearing persecution (Matt. 5:10)

I deliberately underscored Kreeft's distinction
between attitude but beatitude. That is, this new life Christ is working out in us is not about happiness (a subjective feeling, temporary and dependent on fortune) but about blessedness (an objective , permanent state dependent on God's grace and our choice). Makarios is properly translated as "blessed," not as "happy." Proof of this is that we can be blessed even when we are unhappy.

As each bee was confronted with their respective beatitude from Jesus' sermon, their stinger was plucked. They then slouched out the door, removed their costume, and rejoined the class. (Thanks, Rob, for that fine idea!) We sought in this way to visually underscore the inner transformation that Christ is working in us.

All in all, I think it worked beautifully for our kids (though in all honesty we had several visitors who, not being used to our highjinks, may have concluded we are absolutely crazy). I hope it didn't scare anyone away, and that it has whetted our kids' appetite for studying the rest of the Sermon on the Mount.

For more fun, see the Sept. 16, 2007 "Riddle" on The Happening.

"YMVT:" Why We Love Valley Covenant Church

Luke Johnson, our former youth pastor, is now at North Park Seminary (and loving it, from what I hear!) The YMVT (Youth Ministry Vision Team) has been formed to survey the congregation and to discern what direction the Lord would next have us go. Rob Rudeen (left) cooked up this wonderful song and dance number to accompany the survey distribution this past Sunday. His son, Torin (center), and friend Merlin (right) assisted, with backup signers Joanna, Larissa, Gabe and Aaron. Great job, everyone!

Authoritative Communities and Kids who are Hard-wired to Connect

"Authoritative community? " That's sure to scare some people! But don't tune out just yet. (Note: we're talking authoritative, not authoritarian!)

In 2003 the Dartmouth Medical school released their Commission on Children at Risk report Dr. Robert Brooks summarizes the report here. I find Brooks's description of "authoritative community" to be helpful, and I pray that as VCC considers the future direction of our youth ministry, we will not be afraid to reflect on how we can provide better "authoritative" community to our youth.

A thought-provoking report was recently released that provides further evidence of the significant role of connections in addressing and preventing an array of childhood problems. The report, “Hardwired to Connect: The New Scientific Case for Authoritative Communities,” was prepared by the Commission on Children at Risk, a group comprised of 33 prominent children’s doctors, research scientists, and mental health and youth service professionals. The Commission details the problems faced by children in the United States, casting the spotlight on the lack of connections in the lives of these youngsters.

The report, which may be purchased by going to http://www.americanvalues.org/
, notes that the crisis in our youth involves the following two areas:

“The first part is the deteriorating mental and behavioral health of U.S. children. We are witnessing high and rising rates of depression, anxiety, attention deficit, conduct disorders, thoughts of suicide, and other serious mental, emotional, and behavioral problems among U.S. children and adolescents.

“The second part is how we as a society are thinking about this deterioration. We are using medications and psychotherapies. We are designing more and more special programs for ‘at risk’ children. These approaches are necessary but they are not enough. Why? Because programs in individual risk-assessment and treatment seldom encourage us, and can even prevent us, from recognizing as a society the broad environmental conditions that are contributing to growing numbers of suffering children.”

The Commission then raises the question, “What’s causing the crisis?” Their answer is direct and specific: “In large measure, what’s causing this crisis of American childhood is a lack of connectedness. We mean two kinds of connectedness—close connections to other people, and deep connections to moral and spiritual meaning.” The members of the Commission contend that while research from the fields of neuroscience and basic biology indicate that children are “hardwired to connect” to other people and for moral meaning in their lives, “in recent decades, the U.S. social institutions that foster these two forms of connectedness for children have gotten significantly weaker.”

To address this lack of connectedness, the Commission advocates the creation of “authoritative communities.” The word “authoritative” is borrowed in part from the work of Dr. Diana Baumrind who more than 30 years ago described different styles of parenting, including authoritative, permissive, authoritarian, and neglectful. Parents who are defined as authoritative are warm, involved, and accepting, and establish clear-cut and reasonable guidelines, consequences, and expectations. Research has consistently demonstrated that children are more likely to experience healthy emotional development when they are reared by parents who practice an authoritative approach.

The Commission explained its choice of the word “authoritative,” noting, “First the word refers to a strong body of scholarly evidence demonstrating the value of that particular combination of warmth and structure in which children in a democratic society appear most likely to thrive. Second, the word comes from the Latin auctor, which can mean ‘one who creates.’ We like that. Authoritative communities just don’t happen. They are created and sustained by dedicated individuals with a shared vision of building a good life for the next generation.”

In order to create an authoritative community, one must understand its features. The Commission lists what it considers to be the 10 main characteristics. They include:

It is a social institution that includes children and youth.
It treats children as ends in themselves.
It is warm and nurturing.
It establishes clear limits and expectations.
The core of its work is performed largely by non-specialists.
It is multi-generational.
It has a long-term focus.
It reflects and transmits a shared understanding of what it means to be a good person.
It encourages spiritual and religious development.
It is philosophically oriented to the equal dignity of all persons and to the principle of love of neighbor.

In light of these 10 characteristics, the Commission states as a primary goal “to deepen our society’s commitment to those values that build and sustain authoritative communities, and to reconsider our commitment to those values that often replace or undermine them. The former include enduring marital relationships and family connectedness, community action and civic engagement, and concern for the moral and spiritual well-being of all children. The latter include ‘me first’ and consumerism as ways of living, materialism, and the notion of the individual person as self-made and owing little to others or to society.”

Knowledge of the 10 characteristics of an authoritative community together with an appreciation of this primary goal can guide our individual behaviors especially in terms of the responsibility each of us assumes to create environments in which children thrive and feel connected. When problems arise in our youth, we must certainly provide services to address these problems. However, if as the Commission contends, children are “hardwired” from birth to connect with others, the more we focus our time, attention, energy, and resources on forming strong bonds with our youth, the more likely we will prevent problems from arising. In past writings, I have referred to studies that indicate that when students feel a positive attachment to at least one adult in their school, they are less likely to engage in acts of violence or drop out. The power of relationships must never be underestimated in preventing the emergence of a wide spectrum of self-defeating, dangerous behaviors in our youth.

In our roles as parents, teachers, coaches, and other caregivers, we should ask whether our actions support an authoritative community in which we believe each child is our “own” child, that each child is part of “our” community. There are many ways we can nurture the qualities of an authoritative community. In next month’s article, I plan to share some suggestions. However, during the next month you might wish to reflect upon the following interrelated questions:

What are one or two things I’ve done this month to strengthen my connections with my family?

What are one or two things I’ve done this month to strengthen my connections with my community?

What activities have I engaged in this month that have contributed to the well-being of others?

What programs exist in my community that strengthen connections between adults and youth and adults with other adults and do I participate in these programs?


Do I treat others with respect and dignity, as I myself would like to be treated?

Do I teach children, by example, a set of moral values that are in accord with principles of honesty, decency, and compassion?

As you consider these questions, it may be helpful to think of the following observation expressed by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” Authoritative communities as defined by the Commission on Children at Risk are environments in which all of its members are likely to experience this “beautiful compensation of life.”