Why Christian parents "lose" their children
There's a lot of wisdom in this piece. I'm filing it away for future reference.
Five Reasons Christian Parents “Lose” Their Children
by Yaholo Hoyt
http://www.redletterchristians.org/five-reasons-christian-parents-lose-their-children/
It is a great anxiety of Christian
parents; wondering if their children will grow up Christian, or if they
will stay Christians as they move into their own adult lives. Youth
pastors have all experienced the pressure of well-meaning parents asking
how they will “drive in” Christianity to their children. Books have
been written, and special classes are held in churches designed help
parents understand how to “keep your children Christian” through
college. However, the real reasons children go up to reject the faith of
their Parents has little to do with education and apologetics.
Here are the five greatest reasons parents “lose” their children from Christianity:
1) Falling into the temptation of using religion to control their children through guilt and shame.
“Jesus is watching you!” Even the
best parents can find themselves wanting some divine backup in a
conflict with their children. However, using God for intimidation in a
conflict with children has two major issues. First, it means children
are associating God as “against them.” Second, it means that the parent
is not building a personal relationship of trust with the child. It is
better for parents to use their faith to help the child understand the
reason the parent, themselves, act the way they do. We need more of “God
gave you to me and I am doing my best to honor that gift by raising you
well.” We need less of “God says to obey me, and you are disobeying
God.”
2) The parents seem to be afraid of the world, instead of empowered to live in it.
Christians see themselves as “apart
from the world,” but that is so we can help the world, not be afraid of
it. Christian parents who constantly talk about the world as an evil,
malevolent, and dangerous place which must be avoid as much as possible,
it paints a grim view of the future for young adults wanting to find
their own place in life. If a parent lives in fear of the world, the
children will pick up on that and will naturally seek alternative
beliefs. Christ did not give us a spirit of fear of the world, but
compassion for it.
3) The children do not see the parents drawing any joy from their faith.
If a parent’s religion is maintained
out of guilt and obligation, their children will pick-up on that
burden. If parents are full of joy, love, and enthusiasm for their faith
and community, their children will pick-up on that as well. How a
parent behaves in their faith is more important than what they tell
their children about their faith. A parent can be the best apologetics
scholar in the world, they will not win over their child while they are
spiritually depressed.
4) The children are discouraged from finding answers to their questions.
Each generation of young Christians
are going to challenge their parents with new questions about
Christianity in the modern world. It is impossible for parents to
prepare for or know all the answers for these questions. The only way to
address this need is for parents to ask these questions with their
children. Parents who ignore, suppress, brush off, or give trite
simplistic answers to their children’s questions are at risk of greatly
frustrating them. No one needs to have all the answers. Children will
not only respect a “I don’t know, let’s find out together,” they will
remember such journey’s for the rest of their lives. It is also the most
powerful opportunity for a parent to grow in their faith, to experience
Christianity again through young eyes.
5) The children believe they have nothing to offer the Christian community.
Parents who are engaged and active
in a church community are more likely to have children who find ways to
participate in the Christian community at large. Parents and churches
have a responsibility to help children know they have gifts, talents,
and inspiration that are not only welcome in the community, they are
vital to it. If children feel like Christianity is just following other
people, it will not be relevant to them as they grow. Christianity needs
to be understood as something we all work together to build.
If Christ Inspires You, You Will Inspire Your Children
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6, ESV)
Even the best parents will still
seem to “lose” their children for seasons as they grow. A person’s faith
must be their own, and often that means they have to depart from it for
a time. The bottom line is that the best way to make sure your children
will grow up in Christ, is if you are growing in Christ. Examine your
own heart and your own life. Is it something to look up to? When a child
looks at their parents, they see their future. How does their future
look?
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