Cooking-impaired

Some people are color-blind. Some people are tone-deaf. I am cooking-impaired.

Another chapter in the Continuing Saga:

Last night I was grilling chicken. When I came out after 15 minutes to check how the breasts were doing, the right burner was out, so that the two breasts on the left were coming along nicely and the two on the right were stone cold. Aaargh!

Tonight I wanted to make a lovely meal for Steve and Joanna. Fridays are long days for them both, so I thought Beef Stroganoff would be nice. I had 1.5 lbs of beef, a lb. of clean white mushrooms, butter, onions, garlic, sour cream and a nice dose of sherry. After frying up the firm white mushrooms and onions, I left the beef to simmer in the liquid for half an hour, just as the recipe said. Alas, before the time was up, I began to smell something burning. I lifted the lid and presto--blackened beef glued to a sticky black base assaulted me.

I give up. I really shouldn't be doing this, and I can't wait until I don't ever have to enter a kitchen again. Pavlov was right. Negative reinforcement helps eliminate behaviors. My negative reinforcment rate in the kitchen is running at about 9o%.

So I have an idea: you cook, I'll clean! Or better yet, forget cooking. I'll bake, and we can survive on chocolate chip cookies.