Meditation for Worship: March 30, 2008

My name is Thomas, “twin.”
How fitting, for within me grow twin traits:
Faith and doubt.
I want to believe, but I don’t want to be a fool.
I want to trust, but trusting can be fatal.

I hear them crying, “Jesus is alive! The doors were all locked and suddenly he stood there among us! He talked to us!"

Alive?
Jesus, my Lord, alive?

I saw it happen once before, with Lazarus…
But Lazarus rose only because Jesus was there to bid him rise.
Who stands outside of Jesus’ tomb now, to shout in a loud voice, “Jesus, come out!”

And yet, all that talk about seeds and eternal life…could it possibly be…?

No. NO! My heart cannot accept it. Too much is at stake.
Don’t be a fool.
Unless I lock the door of my heart, and protect it with tough words, it will break in two.

Any more false hope will be fatal!

“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands

and put my finger into the nail marks

and put my hand into his side,

I will not believe.”

And then He comes in.
"Peace be with you."
Through my fright-fastened doors,
"Put your finger here: see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side."
Rolling away the stone of my soul, sealed with its skepticism,
"Stop doubting and believe."

He makes my finger the key
With which He opens the gates of heaven
My Lord and my God!