Yesterday A. had exploratory surgery that showed the cancer has spread beyond the reach of a surgeon's knife. She will be having further chemo in an attempt to buy her more time, but it will be extremely powerful and will leave her nauseated and bedridden. She is so tired of fighting! Her husband, H., is having difficulty accepting her prognosis. He believes that positive thinking will bring healing, so he does not want others around her to "be negative" or speak about death.
A hospice nurse once told me that there are two ways he has seen people die: they either resign themselves to their mortality, and choose to spend their energy saying goodbye and enjoying the time that remains; or they "rage against the dying of the light." I suppose having a son who is not yet two years old would tend to cause one to fight. May the Lord strengthen A. for this final battle.
We are also praying:
1. That H's love for A might find its ultimate expression, in allowing her the freedom to choose not to fight anymore, if that is what she wants.
2. for H's own health.
H. has not slept for days. His blood pressure is alarming, and he is having numbness and tingling sensations in his left arm. He has not been able to attend to his business much at all because he has made caring for A. his #1 priority. It's ironic. H. is not a believer, but he could well be the poster boy for Ephesians 5:28. I can think of some Christian husbands who would do well to take lessons from H. regarding what it means to be like Christ to their wives!
3. that A. might be able to see her mother.
Last week A's mother traveled from Teheran to the American consulate in Dubai, in order to request a visa to enter the U.S. to visit her dying daughter. She brought all the forms, proof of property ownership in Iran, a letter from A's doctor here in the U.S., and the $110 fee for the privilege of an appointment at the consulate.
Once in the office, the official glanced at the stack of papers, then at her, and shoved them back at her, saying the U.S. will not allow Iranians to enter. A's mother was frantic and outraged--if this was the policy, why did they string her along, and take her money? Why didn't they say so from the start? She returned home in despair, and when A. heard the news, she too was plunged into even deeper depression.
We have requested VCC members to contact our Congressman Peter de Fazio and Senator Smith regarding her mother's visa problems, but I am not sure if there is anything they can do, and even if they can, if there is enough time.
H. is desperately entertaining every alternative. He is considering having his mother-in-law fly to Cancun, and then flying there with A. for a few days; but again, I cannot see how A. can fly anywhere. She is so weak, and the chances of infection are so great...
4. for their little son M., who is now 22 months old.
When I came this afternoon, A. was on the phone with her brother in Iran. He and her mother are insisting that if she dies, she be buried in Iran, and that M. be raised by his grandmother. A. was in tears. "M. is as much H's son as he is mine," she wept. "I cannot do this. But do you think I should go back to Iran to be buried?"
I reassured her that I thought her intuitions were good, that H. loved M. and would know best how to take care of him; that M. was probably safer here than in Iran; and that she should be wherever her husband is, because according to the Bible, she and H. are one flesh, and that that relationship takes precedence over other family relations.
A. worries that M. will not remember her. That would be another reason for her to be buried in the U.S., so M. could at least see her grave. (I worry that M. will remember her, but will not be able to express and work through his grief the way an older child might so do.) M. plays happily outside with his nanny...while his mother has made his bedroom her own, so that she might be near him. At least he is unaware of her pain...
5. For A, that her pain might continue to be controlled, and that she might be at peace and surrounded with the love of her family, friends, and heavenly Father.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is te mporary, but what is unseen is eternal
A hospice nurse once told me that there are two ways he has seen people die: they either resign themselves to their mortality, and choose to spend their energy saying goodbye and enjoying the time that remains; or they "rage against the dying of the light." I suppose having a son who is not yet two years old would tend to cause one to fight. May the Lord strengthen A. for this final battle.
We are also praying:
1. That H's love for A might find its ultimate expression, in allowing her the freedom to choose not to fight anymore, if that is what she wants.
2. for H's own health.
H. has not slept for days. His blood pressure is alarming, and he is having numbness and tingling sensations in his left arm. He has not been able to attend to his business much at all because he has made caring for A. his #1 priority. It's ironic. H. is not a believer, but he could well be the poster boy for Ephesians 5:28. I can think of some Christian husbands who would do well to take lessons from H. regarding what it means to be like Christ to their wives!
3. that A. might be able to see her mother.
Last week A's mother traveled from Teheran to the American consulate in Dubai, in order to request a visa to enter the U.S. to visit her dying daughter. She brought all the forms, proof of property ownership in Iran, a letter from A's doctor here in the U.S., and the $110 fee for the privilege of an appointment at the consulate.
Once in the office, the official glanced at the stack of papers, then at her, and shoved them back at her, saying the U.S. will not allow Iranians to enter. A's mother was frantic and outraged--if this was the policy, why did they string her along, and take her money? Why didn't they say so from the start? She returned home in despair, and when A. heard the news, she too was plunged into even deeper depression.
We have requested VCC members to contact our Congressman Peter de Fazio and Senator Smith regarding her mother's visa problems, but I am not sure if there is anything they can do, and even if they can, if there is enough time.
H. is desperately entertaining every alternative. He is considering having his mother-in-law fly to Cancun, and then flying there with A. for a few days; but again, I cannot see how A. can fly anywhere. She is so weak, and the chances of infection are so great...
4. for their little son M., who is now 22 months old.
When I came this afternoon, A. was on the phone with her brother in Iran. He and her mother are insisting that if she dies, she be buried in Iran, and that M. be raised by his grandmother. A. was in tears. "M. is as much H's son as he is mine," she wept. "I cannot do this. But do you think I should go back to Iran to be buried?"
I reassured her that I thought her intuitions were good, that H. loved M. and would know best how to take care of him; that M. was probably safer here than in Iran; and that she should be wherever her husband is, because according to the Bible, she and H. are one flesh, and that that relationship takes precedence over other family relations.
A. worries that M. will not remember her. That would be another reason for her to be buried in the U.S., so M. could at least see her grave. (I worry that M. will remember her, but will not be able to express and work through his grief the way an older child might so do.) M. plays happily outside with his nanny...while his mother has made his bedroom her own, so that she might be near him. At least he is unaware of her pain...
5. For A, that her pain might continue to be controlled, and that she might be at peace and surrounded with the love of her family, friends, and heavenly Father.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is te mporary, but what is unseen is eternal
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